The article below is copied from a post I made on Facebook a couple of years ago. It’s a true story, and written very much “in the moment” when our son was involved in a car wreck.
When I read it now, even years later, it brings back all of the fear and uncertainty that we felt that night. We have been so incredibly lucky that our family has survived mostly devoid of the horrors that others seem to experience. So lucky.
To my children
“When we tell you to be careful, we are trying to call on some kind of magic to protect you”
Tl;dr: If you are a parent, go hug your kids. If you are a kid, go hug your parents. And understand that when we tell you to “be careful”, we don’t actually EXPECT you to be careful. We can hope, but we were actually young once, too – we get it. When we tell you to be careful, we are trying to call on some kind of magic to protect you – because we understand that the intense love that we feel for you can’t protect you once you are out of our sight.
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I seldom find myself at a loss for words, as my wife and kids would be happy to confirm, but the last 36 hours has been an emotional roller coaster. With events coming at us so fast, with decisions having to be made and things dealt with – there just hasn’t been time to stop and process everything.
Saturday started out so normal. We got up and ran a bunch of errands in the morning, including picking up our son’s tuxedo since he was taking his girlfriend to her high school prom.
In the afternoon, we helped him get dressed and then we all headed over to her house to see them off. We met her parents, took a bunch of pictures, and waved goodbye.
The girlfriend was driving, in her dad’s car, because they were going to dinner in the city and she had more experience with driving in traffic.
The call that no parent wants to get
My wife and I hung around for a little bit, visiting with the girlfriend’s father. It was a beautiful afternoon. As we were standing in the driveway talking, his cell phone rang. He answered, listened for a few seconds and hung up. “The kids have been in an accident”, he said, “just down the road”.
We all jumped in our cars and took off, with no idea what to expect. I kept forcing myself to picture a fender-bender, but it wasn’t to be. As we came around a corner, it started to turn into a parent’s worst nightmare. There were fire trucks and ambulances and police cars blocking the road – and the car was nowhere to be seen.
We parked on the right shoulder near where most of the activity was and looked across the road to where the commotion seemed to be, and we could finally see the car. It was down in a hollow, in the bushes, with the roof caved in. And a group of paramedics working on two small bodies in the grass just a few feet away.
I don’t know how I got across the road or down the hill to where they were. I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t think. I refused to think.
When I got to where they were working, I saw that they had our son on a backboard, with a brace on his neck. They were in the process of strapping him down. He was awake and alert and gave me a thumbs-up that was way too jaunty for the circumstances. But I could see blood on his hands and forehead. I knew this wasn’t good. They said that the car had rolled “at least twice”
I was so elated that he was alive! I didn’t realize until that moment that I had been fearing the worst since I saw the car. But now, new terror – why the neck brace and backboard? “Just a precaution” said the paramedic, but they were taking him to a trauma center. That can’t be good! Will he be able to walk?
Hospitals aren’t very comforting
At the emergency room, we had to wait to see him. They didn’t give us any information, so the worries began anew. Eventually, they took us back to his room, but he wasn’t there – they had taken him for a CAT scan…. more worries…. “did he hurt his head?”
Finally they brought him back and we were able to talk to him. That helped relieve a lot of concern, but it took hours to get the CAT scan results and they wouldn’t let him to anything but lie flat with the neck brace on until they knew what was causing the pain that he was feeling in his neck and upper back.
We updated family with what little we knew, but that just scared them, too. He has three older sisters, and they are fiercely protective of their baby brother.
It could have been so much worse
The final news was that he has several fractures in his spine. They are all minor, we are told (like THAT isn’t an oxymoron!). He has compression fractures on the corners of his 3rd and 4th thoracic vertebrae, and a cracked “transverse process” on one of them, which is a little tab that sticks out of the side for muscles/ligaments to attach to. He has cuts and scratches on his hands and wrists and a seat belt burn on his shoulder. They told us that all will heal on their own without treatment, and that it shouldn’t limit his activity once he is healed. His girlfriend got away with some nasty seat belt bruises and a concussion.
“The reality is that every moment is gone as soon as we experience it.”
The moral of the story it to cherish and value every moment with your kids. We like to imagine that we can fix things when they go wrong, but the reality is that every moment is gone as soon as we experience it. The reality is that things happen which are out of our control. The reality is that choices get made which have far-reaching consequences; and once made, have no option but to play out to their conclusion. The reality is that it was less than 15 minutes between making funny faces at the camera and pulling themselves out of a totaled car. Thank goodness someone was looking out for them.
And all we can really do is hope for the best.
Go hug your kids.
Seriously.
I’ll wait.
Photo by Sierragoddess 
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