Why is everyone so “judgy”???

What is it about people?

It’s a strange question to have to ask – Why is everyone so “judgy”??? There probably as many reasons as there are “judgy” people.

Ok, I have a confession to make.

But first, I want to say that it infuriates me that what I am about to share would even be *seen* as a confession. It’s nobody’s business, and it harms no one. But if I were to walk into the average biker bar and announce it, they would probably see it as a reason to kick my ass. Fuck those people. Why is everyone so “judgy”???

So, here goes: I paint my toenails. I’m a middle-aged, married, cis-gendered, straight father of four adult children, and as I sit here writing this, my toenails are cherry-red. Up until a couple of days ago they were denim blue. At Christmas I paint them red and green. This past 4th of July? Red, white, and blue. Of course.

At various times they have been chocolate brown, bluebottle green (my favorite!), iridescent blue, a purple that was a little bit too pink for my taste, black, and many other colors.

But what does it MEAN???

Good question. And it has a simple answer: It doesn’t mean anything. Strictly speaking, I suppose it means that I like it. But there’s no social statement here. There are no latent sexuality issues, it just makes me happy. My wife is fine with it, she helps me pick colors sometimes. Often, we will paint each other’s toes. I find it fun to paint hers, and she can reach mine much more easily than I can.

But WHY, then???

Does there have to be a “why”? As I said before, I like it. That’s why. But I will share how it got started.

As I have gotten older, I have developed some circulation issues in my legs. My wife tried for quite some time to get me to come with her when she went for a pedicure because she thought that the lower leg massage that came with the service would be good for me. I resisted the idea for quite a while because “that’s not what guys do”. Plus, I have always had an aversion to people touching my feet. Didn’t want to deal with that.

Eventually, she wore me down and I went with her and my daughter in law to get a “pedi”. Turns out that she was right – The leg massage was nice. And they cut my toenails for me! Big win! So it became a ‘thing’.

And then I missed “our day”

One day, I had to work and missed our day. My wife and daughter in law went without me, and when I got home they were showing off the pretty easter egg colors they had gotten. I went by myself that next weekend, and as a joke I asked my wife what color *I* should get – since she had gotten blue and the daughter in law got yellow.

She said “I don’t know, surprise me!” so I came home that day with pale green toenails and we all laughed about it, and that was it. I left it on for a couple of days, then took it off and didn’t think about it again.

The next time we went, my wife turned to me and said “What color are you getting? So I humored her and had them paint me again (dark brown that time, I think). As I was taking it off a few days later, I noticed something.

They did a better job

I noticed that when the nail tech knew that they were going to be painting my nails, they did a much better job trimming and filing my nails. The edges and corners were much smoother.  My wife said that she had noticed the same thing, so she always got polish – even if she didn’t really care if they were painted.

After that, I always got polish, but would go straight home and take it off.  When Covid locked everything down and we couldn’t go to the salon anymore, I started having to take care of my own nails again, and I realized that I missed that little splash of color. So I painted them myself. I did a terrible job, but it was the thought that counts.

Now that I paint them regularly, I find that my painted nails make me happy. I will often forget that I have done them, and then later take my shoes off and notice, and it makes me smile. I like it, and that’s all that really matters.

So why is everyone so “judgy”???

I wish I knew the answer. Perhaps it makes them feel better about themselves. Like they are superior in some way. I have long said that one of the easiest and most fulfilling things that a person can do is to be a snob. Think about it – you get to define the criteria by which you will judge people, and then you get to judge them! You will always craft those criteria in such a way that everyone else is inferior to you. What’s not to like???

Here is my ask – can we “normalize” doing things that make us happy? Things that don’t harm other people, and just make us feel good? If I see a guy wearing makeup, or a dress, or high heels (or jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers), that doesn’t affect me in any way. It’s not about me. I don’t want to do that, but it’s not my place to try to take away someone else’s happiness. I have worked too hard to find my own!